Embrace LIFE!

After hitting rock bottom earlier this month, I took a hiatus to Texas for Thanksgiving. Maybe it was shooting guns that let me work out some frustrations or simply being surrounded by people who love me, adore me, and say "y'all" entirely too much that rejuvenated my soul. Or maybe it was because I was switched out of my second grade classroom into a kindergarten classroom. The switch couldn't have come at a better time. As challenging as my situation is, I decided to embrace it. My new campaign to embrace life is the only way I know how to regain the strong feeling of purpose and conviction I moved to Chicago with. I will only fulfill my commitment with Teach For America if I regain these sentiments. Otherwise, it's not worth it.

Let's face the facts:

1. I'm 25. I'm a hot mess. I still have acne. My family still calls me Boogar, my childhood nickname. (It's better than the other option, Thunder Pants.) I still sabotage all male interaction. Some call it "man-eating," some call it "immature," but it's all the same to me. I think it's funny and mostly justified. And so it is: I'm 25 and still a hot mess. It's who I am. It's endearing, right?

2. I'm less than impressed with Chicago. It's a cool city, I guess. After living in New York, New York and Austin, Texas, moving to the heart of the Midwest was disenchanting. Summer in this city was fantastic! I went to music festivals and laid on the beaches of Lake Michigan. Now it's November, toward the latter end of fall. It's November, and it gets dark at 4 PM. It's November, and my face gets wind burnt when I run outside. It's November, and I'm already wearing the biggest, heaviest goose-down parka I own...every time I go outside. (Note to self: buy a warmer jacket for the actual winter.) It's November, and it's still warm in Texas. Aside from the weather, I find the city disingenuous and the people unattractive. Chicago politics are as "windy" as the nickname implies, Windy City. The mayor is missing a finger; in the words of my brother, "That was not from a farm accident." As the murder capitol of the USA and the location of a controversial teacher strike, the city tries to put up a front that we're "Building a Better Chicago." Maybe we are; it's hard to see in the day-to-day. To embrace life, I'm learning to love my city by learning about my city, particularly its infamous serial killers. John Wayne Gacy, Jr., anyone? Anyone? I'm currently reading The Devil in the White City about Chicago's murderous past during the 1893 World's Fair. Although I do not support the current crime rate, I am loving the dark and gritty past of this industrial city.

{dark and gritty or really pretty?}

3. Teaching is hard, y'all. It really is. Graduate school isn't hard, but it's time consuming. Together, the combination is overwhelming. Given a choice, I would always choose to be overwhelmed rather than underwhelmed. Being underwhelmed is a waste of my time. Overwhelming situations have made me into the person I am. Overwhelming situations are the source of my favorite memories and most meaningful friendships. I get frustrated and discouraged more than I would like to admit, but I haven't given up. I work more and sleep less than ever before, but my huge paycheck makes up for it. Total sarcasm. Besides, had I not taken this job, I never would have been introduced to the Flaming Hot Cheetos' cousin, Takis, or been able to work in a 147-year-old haunted monastery, my school building.

A dear friend recently emailed me this: "If a situation isn't for you, have the courage to make change or face the challenge." I feel confident and ready to tackle the challenge, even if I am an overwhelmed hot mess who gets cold easily. It could be worse.